


sashimi

by theformerone



Series: MultiSaku Month 2018 [9]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Humor, Kisame can't handle This, Wherein Sakura flagrantly disregards food sanitation bc she's hungry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 04:53:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15041132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theformerone/pseuds/theformerone
Summary: “You are going to shit for a week.”Sakura shrugs her shoulders.“I’ll take those odds.”MultiSaku Month Day 23: KisaSaku





	sashimi

They are – in her words – actual balls deep in Kumo, along the northern coast. It’s cold as hell, that much is true. Kisame doesn’t run hot, and he’s wearing a cloak _and_ a scarf, which is a testament to the cold. Sakura seems to be faring much worse, with a cloak, a scarf, and a pair of gloves on to keep the chill out of her fingers.

The mission was supposed to be simple enough. Get into Kumo, ‘confiscate’ some records on the Byakugan, and get right back out. Kisame wasn’t exactly the most inconspicuous shinobi. He was there as muscle. He had seen a fair share of men and women underestimate Sakura because of her slight stature, and because of her coloring. He had done it himself when he’d first seen her.

Coming from a clan of blue haired, sharp toothed shark women hadn’t prepared Kisame for a five foot nothing pink haired girl that could shatter a boulder by kissing it. Zabuza had laughed at him, and the only thing that kept Kisame from punching the Godaime Mizukage in the face was the Konoha contingent still in the room.

“What,” he asks, “the hell are you doing?”

Sakura is crouched beneath some sparsely leafed trees. There is snow everywhere. It’s the dead of winter, and Kumo winters are some of the coldest in the elemental nations.

She looks up at him from where she has neatly filleted a fish with a scalpel that she promptly burns with a flare of chakra so precise and hot, it only feels like a rabbit having a heart attack to even his keen senses.

“Making dinner.”

Kisame looks down at the fish, and then back up at Sakura.

“Dinner.”

She rolls her eyes at him, like he’s the one being unreasonable. Then, she picks up a piece of raw fish and pops it in her mouth. Kisame gags.

“Oh shut the fuck up,” Sakura says around a mouthful of fish. “Your sisters eat raw fish. You _love_ sashimi.”

Kisame narrows his eyes.

“When it’s prepared by someone who knows what they’re doing,” he says. “Not gutted by some idiot in the wild.”

Her eyebrow twitches when he calls her an idiot. Kisame takes a step away from her to avoid being hit. Even her love taps left bruises so dark and purple they showed up even on his blue skin.

“It’s called survival training,” she bites. “We’re too close to Kumo to have a fire.”

Kisame looks at the fish Sakura has cut up, laid down on a tin plate that must have come from her pack.

“There are so many reasons why you shouldn’t have done that.”

Sakura lifts an eyebrow and slurps another piece of fish into her mouth just to spite him.

“You can’t use a scalpel,” he says, suddenly overwhelmed with the serious _wrongness_ of his Fire Country girlfriend eating raw fish and comparing it to the sashimi he’s grown up eating. “There are very specific knives you have to use - ,”

“You Kiri shinobi have a steel fetish,” Sakura says around a mouthful of fish. “A scalpel gets the job done.”

He pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Sakura, there are pathogens. Toxins. You could get food poisoning.”

“I’m a medic,” she says. “ _Duh._ I can burn food poisoning out of my gut before it even gets there.”

Kisame had always thought Naruto and Sasuke were the idiots on Team Seven. Kakashi was similarly annoying, what with that harem of men tripping over themselves to court him, Godaime Mizukage included. Clearly he had underestimated Sakura. Except instead of underestimating her strength, he underestimated her capacity for stupidity.

“Babe, listen, - ,”

“Don’t you ‘babe, listen’ me,” Sakura says, wolfing down the fish. “We’re miles away from civilization and we can’t start a damn fire. I’m eating the fish.”

Kisame presses his palms together, places his mouth against his thumbs.

“You are going to shit for a week.”

Sakura shrugs her shoulders.

“I’ll take those odds.”

“Famous last words,” he says, “for the one with the Legendary Sucker for a teacher.”

Sakura lifts and points her scalpel at him, eyes narrowed meanly.

“You leave my shishou out of this.”

Kisame puts up his hands in defeat. He is well aware of the fact that his own biology will ensure that he’ll survive eating this mystery Kumo fish in the wilderness. But his _mother_ , Hoshigaki Mako would literally eat _him_ for eating this nonsense Sakura is passing off as sashimi.

The Hoshigaki may have shark blood, but they were sticklers about their fish. His sisters will never let him live down the abomination of Sakura cutting up raw fish in the goddamn wilderness and passing it off as edible.

“You,” he says, breathing slowly out of his nose, “are so lucky you’re cute.”

Sakura beams with a mouthful of fish. Kisame reaches forward and picks a bone out of her teeth.

So. _So_ lucky she was cute.


End file.
